Life

wishes

To me, life isn’t about finding my self, it’s about losing my self. I know who I am. I am a timid and modest young adult, afraid of conversation and standing out. I’m intelligent and responsible, full of duties and expectations. I know who I am and  I know who I am to become. I will marry an equally timid, intelligent, honest man. We will have three kids and i’ll lose my career to take care of them. An individual, i’ll never be, but then again an individual, I never was. I am friend, sister, daughter, and student and I will become mom and wife. I know who I am, but I don’t want to be that person. I want adventure, excitement and risk. I want to be outgoing and desirable. I don’t want reason and duties. I don’t want a husband and I don’t want kids. I don’t want to be a list of labels, I want to be an individual. I’m terrified. I feel like I’m trapped inside a room made of rules, expectations, and norms. I feel like my entire life is closing in on me and if i’m not quick enough I won’t be able to escape it. What is it in me that desires so much more than what I can have? It’s as if I’m torn in two pieces. One of me says that I should accept the life I’m given and be content. This side knows I’ll be happy no matter the situation, it’s in my nature. But the other part tells me to get out while I can. If I remain, I’ll be dead long before my heart stops beating. It’s just as much in my nature for me to dream of better things. What’s so wrong about wanting more than life can offer you?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s